Finally Year 2 of poly ended. Have been waiting for this to end for quite some time now. Screwed up my paper, it was tough, but i really couldnt study or concentrate much the day before. Got into a fight first time in my life at zirca, like what the fucking fuck.
I mean its quite funny how pathetic it was, until now i feel like crying and laughing at myself. why these kind of things seems to happen to me only, someone have to just mock me. everytime i trust someone, something just have to remind me on why i shouldnt even trust in the first place.
should have listened to jess and just went zouk. I cant even wash my face now without feeling the pain. And i know the bruises are just going to get darker each day. Could not even be bothered to conceal them today. Have them all over my legs and elbow. Just feel real miserable right now, dont even feel like talking to a single soul.
Actually i cant really remember much that night, just so messy and conflicting. Was really high that night, on the dance floor, then suddenly my girl friends started to fight on the podium. Club got raid, went out, someone called twin that they saw the group of girls who hit her, saw them outside the taxi stand area, and we started shouting at one another. Guess me and zhiyan was just too mad at the point of time. Weishan and the rest was walking slowly cause they thought the guys was with us. Didnt think, they had like 3 butches in their girl group. Just one punch into my eye and i started to tear but twin was on the floor and they hit her too. Somehow aft the first concussion they cornered us to the lane. First time i got totally drenched by a jug of water, dragged by the hair and hit. Couldnt even see who did it, only Zhiyan hit the hand who was dragging my hair for like what 2 mins? Cheek bled, regina was there to wipe the blood from my cheek. Can never forget who was the ones there for me that night, in my sight,
the disappointment ,the shoulders, back to the disappointment.
so much of it. The disappointment hurts more than any physical injuries.
The rage was just too much, it sucks because i am not the kind of perfect sweet girl who will just stand at one side, even though i know the image of me that night was just so uncouth even i feel disgusted by myself, my unsightly actions, so damn gangster, who would love a girl that dont think, dont know my own limits. I dont even know what i was thinking, i couldn't even fight. But recalling the rage i felt that night is scary.
But until now i dont have any tinge of regret. Because i really did not care if we were outnumbered, someone just hit my bestfriend, she is in pain, pain that i felt, fact that some people stood idle, felt so humiliated, so many eyes was watching, couldnt think properly, couldnt see, everyone was quarreling then some police was near the scene.
But it totally changed my perceptions of things, to those i actually trusted, to those who earned my respect and gratitude. Im not even blaming anyone right now, its stupid to rant these kind of things on social media, its damn embarrassing. End of the day right now, i just cant help but i dont trust any guys now, people can sms me and say stuff like how much they would help, how sorry, how much they cared. Makes no sense. After that i cant ever listen to those kind of talk any longer, how many times you scroll through ur twitter timeline and read stuff like
"have fun man, love you bro"
conversations between people who seem like they really care for each other but at the end of the day all links to one word, fake, so darn annoying. annoys me to my brim.
"you look so pretty"
fake.
But i really am thankful the girls who was with me n those people who came down.
I am so thankful for the anonymous who left me such a long text on formspring. It kinda made my day.The weather matches my mood now. Got to stop this nonsense soon, my eye is already swollen enough. Just going to get this post over and done with. Saturday at zirca was not good at all. Just one night changed so many things. so damn confusing.
phtos which i dont even feel like tagging.
but jess <3
crowd that night
besties
ben
my twin before her facewas was scarred
too damn tired and sad, didnt dare to raise my head in front of my mom the whole day. imagine if she saw me that night, she would be devastated.
.........
i know i will regret posting this. oh i really look like shit.
fight until some girls bracelet on my hand oO
town today w weishan and tricia :)
tricia's damn funny. kinda wished she was there that night, to have another bitch on my side.
linguine and seafood marina yum
guess i have to live w shades for awhile.
watched parker. was quite nice!
look at the amount of drinks we three girls drank.
sighpie
xoxo eugeniania
