118th

One of the saddest and shaggiest, smudged eyeliner, puffy faced day. But I am gonna be brave.

Just going to do a short rant. On the 118th day. Which everything eventually came to an end. Nothing last forever, but I thought we might, honestly. Maybe he just isn't the right one. No one can tolerate me for long. Maybe I'm just not good enough, not worth it? I honestly have no idea. Didn't club at all this week. Had fever. And amongst all the days I cried. Friday night was the worst. Maybe something in me knew that this was coming to an end. Cried so badly my face couldn't be recognized the next day. Thus it was a club free week.

Today things officially came into an end.

My first date. I have no boyfriend before, not a big deal. But this was my first date I had. First time I held hands and watched movie with someone so close. Gah I guess everyone who read this will probably think it's nothing. But it's something. At least, for me. Something special. But maybe for someone experienced, i am replaceable. It is a wonder even for it to even last till now. My eyes feels warm as I type this. Sigh. But I think it will get better soon. I know I can do this. I will treasure and remember the memories we had, the things you taught me, the times you cared.

I am so thankful for everything. I guess, sometimes even though I can quarrel with my close friends easily, but I still mean something to them, most of my friendships never ends and last well. But idk maybe relationships is a whole new level for me. I don't know why I am unable to maintain this relation, even when I treasure this feeling even more.

Fragile little thing. At least I am not in the suicidal mode or anything worst than that. I guess I can see clearer now. The bigger picture. I hope it didn't end too badly. I was honest, i tried, but i believed in my own believes. Maybe it would bring us more pain if we continue. 

My English sucks, sometimes I think too much but unable to portray everything I feel or want to say. I don't think I will trust someone's love for me so soon. This taught me, no matter how much u love someone, one day, someone will bound to get tired and eventually every other emotion and anger will overwrite the feelings you have. Perhaps this shows that you didn't even really love the person in the first place. Maybe you thought u did, but you didn't.

Lastly, I hope that one fine day, we both will find peace to be friends, or better,

good friends. It's really hard for someone like me to fall in love, but I really do treasure people that came close to me in my life. 

With love, Eugenia.

I will stop being a crybaby, but I am not afraid to show that I am weak and sometimes immature.

cheer up, eugenia.