Reality

Going through the most hurtful part of my life right now, apologies for not updating for awhile. Life in a mess. If you saw my Instagram, yup my phone's gone. For someone who relies on Social media and my phone a lot. It's not a good thing. Especially when I'm in this helpless stage, left with no choice. I brought this upon myself. It's me who threw my phone, it's me who caused these to happen. I fucked up, I actually rubbed the phone shards on my thighs on friday, being semi sober. Took my nail scissors and dragged it on my leg cause I wanted to, it was too painful. And who the fuck does that, used to think it was stupid, but people like me doesnt deserve to be loved. Now my right thigh is aching and disfigured. No one will ever care. But it's not like I want people's pity. I don't need the pity. People can show you they care but at the end of the day. It's still you who have to learn to treasure yourself. The body your parents gave you, your mom carrying her into the world, suffering and I'm a part of her too, part of her that I didn't treasure. I'm a bad daughter. I am weak. I am useless. I really really really ..... Really can't handle this. Someone please take away my emotions. I don't wanna fucking cry. I need to be strong and I don't need anyone's pity. I am really sorry to every mess I made since I was borned. Everything I took for granted. I'm sorry if I ever offended you. You can laugh. Nothing matters, when I don't matter. I'm not important enough to even be kept. Just feels so helpless and all I want to go back to is being the me who would not be like this, 6 months ago. I want to be strong, why anyone would do this to me.coming into my life and then taking it all away, even if I may be a bitch sometimes, I just can't suffer from this. Maybe I'm just worthless. I really have no backbone at all. People will get sick of me. It's okay I tell myself that it will be okay I just need time now, everyday will be a better day. N this will make me stronger. In a sea of faces, I'm all alone now. I can't play, I'm not meant for these. I'm just a kid. I admit now finally, I need a shoulder. I lost. I'm a burden addition to the people around me.