Monday, October 29, 2012

Blow me one last kiss

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight..
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this
I'll pack my ignorance and bliss

I think I've had enough of this, Blow me on last kiss.

I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,
Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left
I am sick, whiskey-dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I'll laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home

I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I won't breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss...

very meaningful song.. 

Cried in school today, really feel very sad. 
I think there's so much to change about myself. I want to be less talkative, less open about my thoughts, more feminine, no vulgarities. All so hard for me. But i feel like there's a need to do it.
Why aren't i independent enough i wonder, i need my girlfriends, i want them to hug me when i cry.
Sat and cried with my hands trembling i felt so pathetic crumbling at that point of time yet feeling so invisible like no one cares and i just feel like i can cry forever, something just isnt the same for me anymore i feel damn alone.
I usually would complain and whine about looking horrible if i dont put makeup to school one day or what. but today i just like dint even do anything, not in a mood for anything, like i think my skin is quite horrid now, rashes and complexion wise. But truthfully, i dont care anymore. I no longer care about how i look how i dress. All those are not important to me currently. The truth? I really just feel damn lost.
I feel like no matter what i do, i will always get judged and just cant be compared to anything nor anyone. Really inferior. Im really like useless and all. Not skinny, insecure, nothing really good or special about me. And i cant do much about it. I really try to be nice to everyone. But i dont think being nice or true matters. Quite a practical society out here. I dont wish to be a burden. I really truly wanna help everyone but maybe i should just stop this kind of nonsense, i end up wondering if people talk to me, treat me nice because they really like me, or am i some kind of tool which is in fact very easily to manipulate   I think too simply. Needa grow up for a start. and start using my brains. Theres nothing much for me to look forward to now. I am paranoid, i cant bring myself to trust. I think i lost my pride. Sometimes i pity myself. But im pretty sure i deserve this. Think is better to wonder and push the blame on myself rather than towards others.
im just gonna stop here.
Trying my best to be brave. Im so sorry....think im screwing everything up

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Sucky Halloween

SO this was the pizza i had ytd. hehe I love my dad and parents. even though they always nag at me, i know they the best to me still. 

Hahahaha anw ytd zouk was kinda a fucked up night. LOL
TOTALLY LEFT WITH no dignity. but nvm im a brave girl. dunno what the fuck i was thinking actually. was too drunk.. LOL wanted to jump in the river all, cried like SOME DOG i swear my face damn swollen eyes damn swollen all. :'(

okay, let me talk about my pizza first. HAHA i ordered this hawaiian pizza with cheesy, garlicy fillings in the crust! I am so not a crust eating kind of person but this was the sex. hahaha nicenice okay go order. AHHHHH i think today im still abit hungover and high so im like typing nonsense.

AND im so gonna go on a diet. cos currently i just feel damnnnn sucky about myself. And my skin complexion sucks now :(

anw even though i dont really sing anymore, i spent like the whole afternoon compiling this.
hahahah some of my fav lyrics of taylor swift's songs. really love her and her songs man.

totally no makeup, contacts, plus my eye still kinda swollen so dont judge? hahaha i realize everytime i make videos my hair sure damn messy or i got sorethroat or flu or smth one. hahaha or issit i get sick too often? AND my video editing skills still needs some improvement i know :(

okay back to ytd night, i really think i shouldnt have drank so much and did so much nonsense... If only regina was there or smth.. But really damn thankful to those who keep calling me like esp keith etc :( 

 Me and zhiyan both really cannot drink one sigh im a bad friend i feel damn bad i spoiled many people's fun.. im always a burden. so i dont wanna club anymore!! so no image.
hahaha but regina damn funny they all thought i have one night stand or smth thats why i so tilt about ytd. but is not la. LOL HAHAHA

anyway there is gonna be a spammage of my face. i think my makeup skills getting better. and ytd my makeup was really quite good.. i think i look extra nice (HAHA) ytd except for the fact it all got ruined and i dint even party. what a waste of the cover charge..

compare before and after HAHA

okay stop it LOL

eunice, zhiyan and me :))

hahaha starting to think me and her look quite alike hehe <3

and zijun :') another of my savior of the night T.T

im damn good at acting cute omfg

eunice ^^



jon and roy also took care of me etc. jon send me home. damn touched T.T reallllllyyyyyy love them and so sorry. but jon wear the mask damn ugly ok. hahaha


with zhongwei's lighted horns

hehe adelyn dressed up~

and claire hehe :D

with JJ

hehe were we drunk alr? cant remember!

with chloe ;)

haha jj gonna kill me LOL unglam.

adelynn me zhiyan claire. with their standard face for halloween. LOL

find this pic so funny i love you zhiyan tay!:)

then became a trend hahahah they just knew each other.. russel and yunus LOL

HAHA pls dont think i flirt or anything... just playing. and high la

sexy kimberly

solo with the babes :)

half group girl photo!

jon again. he turns red so easily.

and vail :)

le fairies


russel :)

jon me and roy~

candid hehe

look at my drunk expression LOL

roy <3

i was wearing heels leh :( russel like around 190?!

with yunus :)

yea and JJ :) both wore blueee

hahaha took all the three last photo from faceboooook ^^


xoxo eugeniania.

i feel bad cos my dad bought for me its like I AM SUCHA BAD DAUGHTER DONT TREASURE HIS STUFFS :(