Monday, October 29, 2012

Blow me one last kiss

White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight..
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,
But there's nothing to grab so I let go

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much
I think this might be it for us
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this
I'll pack my ignorance and bliss

I think I've had enough of this, Blow me on last kiss.

I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,
Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left
I am sick, whiskey-dick, no more battles for me
You'll be calling a trick, cause you'll no longer sleep
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone
I'll laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home

I will do what I please, anything that I want
I will breathe, I won't breathe, I won't worry at all
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss...

very meaningful song.. 

Cried in school today, really feel very sad. 
I think there's so much to change about myself. I want to be less talkative, less open about my thoughts, more feminine, no vulgarities. All so hard for me. But i feel like there's a need to do it.
Why aren't i independent enough i wonder, i need my girlfriends, i want them to hug me when i cry.
Sat and cried with my hands trembling i felt so pathetic crumbling at that point of time yet feeling so invisible like no one cares and i just feel like i can cry forever, something just isnt the same for me anymore i feel damn alone.
I usually would complain and whine about looking horrible if i dont put makeup to school one day or what. but today i just like dint even do anything, not in a mood for anything, like i think my skin is quite horrid now, rashes and complexion wise. But truthfully, i dont care anymore. I no longer care about how i look how i dress. All those are not important to me currently. The truth? I really just feel damn lost.
I feel like no matter what i do, i will always get judged and just cant be compared to anything nor anyone. Really inferior. Im really like useless and all. Not skinny, insecure, nothing really good or special about me. And i cant do much about it. I really try to be nice to everyone. But i dont think being nice or true matters. Quite a practical society out here. I dont wish to be a burden. I really truly wanna help everyone but maybe i should just stop this kind of nonsense, i end up wondering if people talk to me, treat me nice because they really like me, or am i some kind of tool which is in fact very easily to manipulate   I think too simply. Needa grow up for a start. and start using my brains. Theres nothing much for me to look forward to now. I am paranoid, i cant bring myself to trust. I think i lost my pride. Sometimes i pity myself. But im pretty sure i deserve this. Think is better to wonder and push the blame on myself rather than towards others.
im just gonna stop here.
Trying my best to be brave. Im so sorry....think im screwing everything up

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